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09:23pm 24/08/2010
  fuck off. seriously?
why would you even want control of this out of commission journal?
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06:21pm 19/03/2010
  my journal is now open to anyone who stumbles upon it.
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01:29pm 18/09/2008
  selling new hair pieces.
comment if you want prices. i ship internationally and nationally in some cases

12:48am 14/04/2008
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03:10pm 03/04/2008
  me. and my new puppy.
she's made my last days unforgettable.

the restCollapse )
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12:12pm 02/11/2007
  don't let me sleep on the floor and then expect me to be happy in the morning.

especially if the first thing you say to me is "i have stuff to do, bye"
and then disappear out of the house.

and why am I the one who is hurting over this? when HE'S the one who fucked up? shouldn't he feel guilty at all? not be blaming me for this?

he just called as i was writing this. i ignored it. i want to disappear. but i'm scared if i do that, i will lose him forever,
but. i guess i didn't matter much/enough anyway..
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08:49pm 20/06/2007
  I HATE myself with a fucking PASSION right now.
I couldn't be more disgusted with ANYONE.
Not me. I don't. But apparently. APPARENTLY I do.
I fucked up and I am going to pay so HARD for this one.

:( I don't want to end up this way.
I don't want to leave this person that I was.
I want to win.

I want to fucking BEAT human needs.
I am superhuman. I am a fucking phenomenon.
I will NEVER do this again. fucking. ever.
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08:28pm 15/06/2007
  I love this shakey feeling
It means I'm doing something right.

I'm exhausted.
I'm winning.
I'm not doing what I want to be doing, though...

I'm not sly. I don't care anymore. There are more important things to focus on
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04:53pm 13/06/2007
  I'm tired of feeling ugly.
I'm not good enough ever.
Or they're not good enough.

I'm tired of being fat.
And shut up if you disagree.
I really don't give a shit.
This isn't about your opinion.
It's about what I KNOW is true.

My journal, I get to rant when I fucking want.

My birthday is in exactly four weeks.
Please let me be happier by then...
Please let me have him in my arms.
Please let me be in his.
Please let my body look how I want it to.
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08:29pm 18/05/2007

jesus fucking christ
what a HORRIBLE night.
I only have five fucking days.
NOTHING can happen in five days. NOTHING.

I dont even want to leave the fucking house.
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12:36pm 14/05/2007
  Major dilemma:

I have 2 options.

1. I can work my ass off for the next five months so that I can buy a puppy next weekend. He will be a GORGEOUS rottweiler. $1,000.00. I want him more than anything (except for my second option...explained in a second). The only problem is, not too many apartment complexes or home rentals allow for you to have a rottweiler.

2. I can move out of my mother's house and get an apartment or something. I think that would make me happier, but I would have to quit my job and find another one, closer to where ever my apartment would be. I could move to santa cruz. I have a good opportunity there. But I wouldn't be able to have my puppy there.

Ideally I get to have both the apartment AND the puppy.
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08:48pm 13/05/2007
  I love my secret
I don't know why I ever let it go.

It makes me happy.
It hurts, but god it makes me happy when I accomplish something good.
The past few days have been great. Tonight wasn't so good. but I have time to fix everything.
I have time to not only fix, but IMPROVE everrrrything.

Graham, shut up. I love you. Don't say anything.
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10:30am 02/05/2007
  it's only 10:30 am and I'm already losing my strength.

18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 18.9 1ur98t uerodfj
16.0 16.0 16.0 16.0 16.0 16.0 16.0 23;04pwerdfgr9hy58t94hy


10:36 am. This hasn't helped at all.
I need to get out of the house.

around 2 pm i get out of the house
my aunt is coming to take my mom and i out for lunch.
not exactly the kind of "getting out of the house" that i meant.
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11:34pm 27/04/2007
  someone tell me what i'm doing wrong.
tell me why i'm only good enough for those who aren't good enough.

i'm at the lowest of lows.
I need a quick fix.
I need to run away
I need to die
I need to live
I need.
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05:40pm 13/04/2007
  I took two instead of one.
heartburn. heart palpitations. dizziness. weakness. stomach pains.

oops. all in a days work, though, i suppose.
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12:59pm 11/04/2007
  for myself:

no more.
12:37pm 11/04/2007

i just realized i told ALL those people that i might be able to hang out with them today.
my memory is getting scary bad =(
04:14pm 10/04/2007
  This is all mine
His name is Baramaethor

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04:46pm 09/04/2007
  it's really shitty when you eat something as horrible as toast with butter
and you didn't even enjoy it. at all.
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03:31am 09/04/2007
  1. Go to google.com.

2. Click on Maps.

3. Click on Get Directions.

4. From: New York, New York.

5. To: Paris, France.

6. Then, read line #23.

7. Laugh.

please tell me your reactions. i just laughed for a good five minutes. maybe because it's three thirty in the morning. either way

do it
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